Even if I did, there it is again. Thank goodness!
My mother has scolded me for choosing a hard topic (I did my presentation on a memory restoring brain implant) and has warned me to never do that again. …
Either way… Phew!
I might post my presentation on my blog, actually.
Or maybe I’ll first put it out there in order to get more a refined version courteous of someone on Lang-8 or something.
Or maybe I shouldn’t share it at all, in case someone steals it.
The Academic Office gave me a form to delete the module I wanted to add, instead of the form for adding it. -_- Whyyyyyyyyyyy
They want to confirm whether or not I want to add it instead of delete it… but I never even had it added, so why would I want it deleted? That doesn’t even make sense! I even said on my e-mails already that I want it added.
Garghhhhh, I just want them to tell me if they can still do it or not. =(
I’m really not sure what to do about University.
I don’t want to drop out, but I certainly want to take a break from it.
I’ve e-mailed some people about it and, hopefully, they’ll get back to me on any available options (I hope there are some doable ones…). There is one module (Reading & Writingggggg) of which is killing my soul and dragging everything down for me. In my mind at least. I’m pretty much definitely going to fail that, but should pass everything else, really. Yet the other modules feel like a struggle because of the stress I feel under by that one. Can’t help but stress over it constantly.
S’why I think I need a step back.
Getting ridiculous and it doesn’t need to be. Curse my wicked mind.
I realise that I’m not sure how much one should eat.
I’m not sure if I’ve had too little or too much or… what the hell do people eat? =P
I’ve had an apple, a mini milky way bar, two and a half scones with butter and a small portion of Indian takeaway from yesterday.
No regrets. =) I want a tangerine… so bad… but is that too much?
Trying Viki's method of drinking water. I think it's been helping.
A website said that someone with a high carbohydrate diet, such as I, will most likely experience a ‘crash’ and develop a heightened craving for carb.s as well as become very irritable for a few days as my body realises what’s what. In some ways, I wonder if I should hold my diet for a while because I’m already in negative moods lately. Not sure if I should dip further down even for a few days.
But I probably will anyways. I’ll get through it.
Ahhh, getting through the days is so hard though. I’m so exhausted and down in the dumps. No particular reason for it, other than being stressed out by the mere concept of University, of which many do not see as a reason at all. So meh. I believe I am doing all right. Struggling, but I’m still keeping some kind of level of positivity and determination, so I’m not worried. It is just my attendance that is the problem. I went in to my class on Friday, so~ tired.
I know I’m going to be so tired tomorrow too. I’m too nervous to fall asleep before days with lessons early on in the day. So I never concentrate and I look terrible, plus there’s nearly always someone who mentions how rubbish I look. Bahhghghfgghh.
My neck is honestly starting to kill me just because I’m writing this down. Whenever I think about it, my body gets so tense. And gives me migraines.
((But I’ve been keeping up with work at home, so that’s good)).
After weeks of worrying and a weekend of intense worrying, I found out I passed.
Here’s to hoping I pass all the others.
Last semester, my goal was to achieve a pass of any kind, so I’m happy. However, this semester, my goal is to not only pass, but overall achieve well.
That could change, but that is how it is as of now.
Working on an essay I’ve got to do for one of my modules. It is the one I am most worried about as altogether I would have missed 20% of the work, so… Bah humbug.
So, I’ve e-mailed the room bookings people to book out the semester (we’ll see how that goes! Those people are pretty slow… so I might have to end up directly e-mailing the head of the department again). I already saw that one of the Fridays would have to be cancelled, so I am chopping a film from my list.
Then the Japanese Society is hosting a separate film night on Saturday, so I guess I’ll cancel the Friday one for that week. Kind of sucks because my birthday is on the 7th, so I was going to play something I liked for my birthday that Friday~.
Ohh, I do not know about Film Nights this semester. For some reason, I feel so disheartened about it, I am not sure I am looking forward to it. I cannot really be bothered for people apologising for not coming as well, for example. It’s pretty mean of me perhaps, but I just don’t see the point. Especially the second years!!
They never come anyways (‘cept my good friends, x). So why~! They shouldn’t feel the need, ‘cause I don’t feel the need to hear them say Sorry all too frequently for my liking.
It’s not even an issue, I’m just easily agitated at the moment. I wouldn’t even say I’ve been in a bad mood lately, but I am certainly getting annoyed more easily.
University creeping up. Maybe it’s making me more grumpy. Ha ha!
I have a migraine coming on [SHOULDN’T BE ON MY LAPTOP!!], and yet I still feel so good~. Had a good evening yesterday, in which I saw Ji-Young, Shanti and Becca and met Patrick, and will - hopefully - see them more often too.
Then came home and had a beautiful before-bedtime meal, hahaha, and watched an anime that Shannon was watching (I think it’s called Sword Art Online).
Today, I plan on going to the library to reluctantly print hundreds of pages off. I hate printing even a few pages because of all the noise it makes! It’s going to be annoying to have to print of literally so many pages, it’s ridiculous, the amount of paper-work they give us!!
Just that one that’s around on the Internet. [Here].
I got 15,700 (and I’m sure that hasn’t changed), which is in-between a 10 and 11-year-old’s vocabulary. No one ever believes me when I say I struggle with English, but I really do despite being a native speaker. It’s mostly the meanings (maybe because I doubt myself too much though) and pronunciation that I don’t get.
Even so, I read a lot (or used to), when it comes to news articles about the world or technology, but I suppose I just never retain words, so it doesn’t really have an impact on my knowledge. I obviously know enough to get the gist of the meaning from the context anyway.
But sometimes I think, if I’m so bad at English, why~ am I studying a language? Bleghh. Well, hopefully even having the knowledge of a five-year-old will get me by and then, hopefully, I’ll age to 10 by the time I hit 50 at least. I don’t really care what age I’m fluent, to be honest, or how fast I get there. I enjoy the ride regardless, and hope it takes me to interesting things along the way.
Saying that, I’m not too active about it. I hope that if I [fingers cross] do go to Japan, it will encourage my speaking. I have never had an oral conversation with anyone besides my teachers for oral exams…
And despite the fact that I’m doing Japanese at an intermediate level at the University (so I think we’re learning around JLPT N3), I’d say I’m straight-up N4 if that. I hear some people in the post-beginners classes speak so freely and I’m so jealous!! Language is for communication, but I definitely study it a lot more than I communicate with it. I’m okay with that for now, but soon I want to start putting everything into practice and see where I am.
I am so grateful. I believe I worked hard this time ‘round, so I’m pretty proud of myself even if I don’t do well (although I hope that I have). I’ll be getting increasingly nervous for the results over the next month, I believe. So scared! Because if I don’t pass something, it’s over for me.
And, in all honesty, I’m not convinced that I will. Now I’m worried I messed up even more with my film essay than I realised. I think that, in my panic, I didn’t fill out the cover sheet. I hope I did, but maybe I’ll e-mail just to double-check and see if I can do it anyways, if I haven’t. Surely it wouldn’t be a really big deal?
Hmm, because it’s worth 60%, so it’s really not something I can lose…
Speaking of results and such though, I went in for blood tests. I am so nervous that nothing will come up, yet also a tiny bit nervous that something really bad will. Although I’m sure it won’t.
Thursday is here!! My assignments are over for now. Then the next week is as follows:
Monday: Oral exam (20%) and group self-evaluation (part of 30%).
Thursday: Mini-test (10%).
Friday: Reflective essay (part of 30%) & voice recording (part of 30%).
Saturday: Language exam (30%).
And I hope that’s it! Then throughout the winter break, I have to catch up with lots of kanji work!!
Wish me luck, because I sincerely do need it. I’m on thin ice!
I’m so tiiiiiiiired!
Sorry to bother you, however, I was having a deep think today about going back to uni, and I was hoping you’d be able to give me some advice re. going back to uni later (As you went when you were turning 22 instead of turning 19 didn’t you….?)
How hard is it to go at a later age? Because I know I want to go back, and I know I did quit a course, but I just was hoping you’d be able to tell me how you dealt with feelings of stupidity/uselessness (if any), whilst others were off to uni/doing well academically. As I’m feeling that at the moment. I do want to go back to uni. I just don’t want to make the same mistake as before and I’m in two minds about “good” uni vs. something I love doing. :/ It’s difficult, as I am struggling with these feelings and overall I feel left behind, and useless.
I hope you can help? :)
No problem! x.
And sure, I’ll give any advice I can. I thought I’d make this public, in case others are interested too. I was technically a mature student entering University, at 21. I didn’t take a gap year, I just didn’t apply for University straight away.
(I wrote a lot! So click to read more~ x).
Did the 20-minute lesson! Well, it was actually 15 in the end. =(
But it went well without many hiccups, so yay! It’s done. Now for tomorrow’s presentation…
Hopefully, it won’t go too badly either. We shall wait and see.
I haven’t actually written anything for it yet. Will do it later today, after I eat!!
Getting back reasonable marks for my assignments lately, which is good, as it’s been lifting up my spirits away from the sorrows over my horrible marks from before.
For my revision test (which is only worth 2%, so don’t get too excited..), I got 72% [an A grade]. I was happy~ I think I did okay in my listening test today too. Let’s hope I got a B, as I tend to SUCK at listening tests, but I’ve been trying to improve my listening lately. =O
Tomorrow I have to teach a lesson in Japanese within a group of three. I am dreading it just because, even though we’ve kind of practised, it’s not really together yet. Will have to try and refine my part to make it flow better. Ahh, it’s going to be so embarrassing!! But, whatever. It’s 20 minutes long and, this year, I only want passing grades. I’m not looking for anything else. So long as I do enough to pass, I don’t care. I’ll forget about it after it’s done, ha ha.
Gosh. One thing after another this week.
I’m just glad that I’m not entirely freaking out. I am maintaining a chilled vibe so far. A bit worried as I’m getting down in a ‘lacking interest/motivation’ way, of which butchered my second semester last year, but I’m getting more things done this time ‘round, which is good.
NEED TO REMEMBER TO BOOK A DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT, SO I CAN FINALLY GO HAVE A BLOOD TEST TO POTENTIALLY HELP MEEEEE~. I keep forgetting!!
Reminds me, I need to change my counselling appointment. I want to change counsellors~.
Wah. Got my Japanese essay back today. I got a C… Well gutted.
It’s a pass, but I failed my listening test (I suck at listening), so was hoping this would help to pull my grade up. I can just see myself failing by a few marks, due to getting only C grades!! Mehhhhh. If I weren’t failing, I wouldn’t mind, but… alas. My confidence is low enough as it is.
My Japanese was actually all right at least. She only made two corrections [it was 800 characters long]. However, I wrote the incorrect title (HA! Oh my gosh…) and she said that I might want to end with what I’ve learnt from new experiences in my conclusion~. Dear me.
[Sigh]. Live and learn?
Urgh. Felt bad all day~ and for most of yesterday. Going to try and study and do work all day tomorrow! Hopefully, it’ll go well. I have to write a 2,000 word essay on a film though and no NOTHING about analysing films from a technical point of view, so this should be fun…
Need to contact a lecturer about whether or not she’ll let me do a Japanese culture-related module next semester. Otherwise, I have to do it on Anime & Manga and I so~ don’t want to. I can just see that it’s going to be the same as this film module. Bad times.
My language teacher is actually really nice. I like her. I think I’ll ask for a tutorial soon.
In other news, Wednesday is Will and my baby brother’s birthday. =D Gonna get party bags for it. Good idea? I think so. I haven’t had a party bag in gosh knows how many years! =)